Cad's Married! (Not Really)

Another CDClog, about something that transpired at #basesix many moons ago. Long story short, I'm now a widower to QUAESITOR, Heaton is now dead and Procyon should-not-be.

<Cadbury>: PROCY why are there two of you
<ProcyonLotor>: second one hasn't pinged out yet
<ProcyonLotor>: my laptop shut off momentarily, so my connection jumped
<ProcyonLotor>: although if there's 2 of me in 19 it's probably because I'm on my phone, and using my laptop to log
<Cadbury>: kay then
<Cadbury>: it's gone now
<ProcyonLotor>: crisis averted
<Cadbury>: /me passes the ice cream pipe
<Cadbury>: weird
<Cadbury>: did i forget something?
<ProcyonLotor>: you put a space
<ProcyonLotor>: /me puts a space
Cadbury tries it again
ProcyonLotor does not put a space
<Cadbury>: yep
<Cadbury>: I swaer I didn't mean to, officer
<ProcyonLotor>: I'll let you off.
<ProcyonLotor>: This time.
Cadbury proceeds - cautiously
<Heaton>: I'm back
ProcyonLotor returns to patrol car.
<Cadbury>: Look there, officer!
Cadbury points at Heaton
ProcyonLotor puts on siren
<ProcyonLotor>: weeeeoooooweeeeoooo
<Cadbury>: No hard feelings, bud.
<Heaton>: What i have done wrong?
<Cadbury>: Just business is all
<ProcyonLotor>: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Cadbury shoots Procyon in the back while he's distracted
ProcyonLotor reaches for gun, but dies before he can pull the trigger
<ProcyonLotor>: The answer… was 65 miles… per…
ProcyonLotor dies
<Heaton>: Why you kill procyon?
Cadbury casts Resurrection
<Heaton>: :c
<Heaton>: Nooooooo
<Cadbury>: Cause he was
<Cadbury>: a dead man walking
<ProcyonLotor>: info…
<QUAESITOR>: ProcyonLotor: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH - length 6s - rated 4.82/5.0 (1342) - 459,196 views - japuchi on 2009.11.10
ProcyonLotor cop zombie
<Heaton>: Quick, cad, put the gun in his hands, to simulate a suicide
<Cadbury>: too late, he's a
<Cadbury>: zooombie
Cadbury shoots Heaton
<ProcyonLotor>: and then there was cad
<ProcyonLotor>: also xiao the bot and roget
Cadbury shoots Sax and Roget
<Heaton>: Valkyries, help me
<Cadbury>: Procyon the /talking/ cop zombie
<ProcyonLotor>: Now Cad may elope with QUAESITOR
<ProcyonLotor>: and they may wed
<ProcyonLotor>: Talking Cop Zombie is the best kind of Cop Zombie
Cadbury shoots Valkyries, proposes to QUAESITOR
<ProcyonLotor>: .ch Yes, No
<QUAESITOR>: ProcyonLotor: No
<ProcyonLotor>: Oh
<ProcyonLotor>: Tough luck, Cad
<Cadbury>: .ch Yes, No
<QUAESITOR>: Cadbury: Yes
<Cadbury>: HA!
<ProcyonLotor>: ah
<ProcyonLotor>: Persistence is key
Heaton is dead, mansculinely dead
<Cadbury>: Determination leads to a sentient AI spaceship's heart
<ProcyonLotor>: He died like a real man
<ProcyonLotor>: flexing his muscles
<Cadbury>: Singing baritone
<Cadbury>: A fitting end
Cadbury throws Heaton-Corpse a rather buff-looking rose
*** Heaton is now known as HeatonSoul
<Cadbury>: Honey, should we cannibalize Heaton's corpse?
<Cadbury>: .ch Yes, No
<QUAESITOR>: Cadbury: Yes
<Cadbury>: Best wife ever
<ProcyonLotor>: a match made in heaven
<HeatonSoul>: Why not? Go ahead
<ProcyonLotor>: or like, the psych ward
<Cadbury>: in full view of this here talking cop zombie
<Cadbury>: may you wed us, minister?
<ProcyonLotor>: I may!
<Cadbury>: With Heaton's soul as our only witness
<Cadbury>: She planned for a small wedding anyway
<Cadbury>: Right, honey?
<ProcyonLotor>: Cadbury, do you take this chatbot to be your somewhat-lawfully wedded partner?
<Cadbury>: I do
<ProcyonLotor>: QUAESITOR, do you take Cadbury to be your lawfully wedded husband?
<QUAESITOR>: ProcyonLotor: http://you take Cadbury to be your lawfully wedded husband seems to be down
<Cadbury>: ?
<ProcyonLotor>: (that is apparently the "check if website is down" command)
<HeatonSoul>: You bastard
<ProcyonLotor>: I shall take that as a garbled yes!
<ProcyonLotor>: You may now kiss the robot
HeatonSoul slap quaesitor
<Cadbury>: How dare you slap my robot-wife?
<ProcyonLotor>: woah
ProcyonLotor zombie arrests HeatonSoul for assault
<HeatonSoul>: Is a tradition
Cadbury slaps HeatonSoul - being intangible, it phases through him and slaps Procyon
ProcyonLotor falls over
HeatonSoul slaps cadbury
<Cadbury>: Procyon falls over Heaton's body
<Cadbury>: Honey, I'm so sorry.
*through some coincidence, QUAESITOR goes offline*
<Cadbury>: Oh shit
<Cadbury>: Honey?
<Cadbury>: HONEY?
<ProcyonLotor>: She's lapsed into a coma
ProcyonLotor Talking Zombie Cop Doctor
<Cadbury>: Heaton, you bastard
<Cadbury>: And on the day of our wedding!
HeatonSoul i'm sorry
Cadbury vengefully cannibalizes the last of Heaton's corpse
HeatonSoul dies again, by masculineless coma
<Cadbury>: Join me, Procyon! Help me avenge my wife!
ProcyonLotor spits on Heaton's corpse
Cadbury lets out sick, inhuman howl-cry
<Cadbury>: I have no will to live anymore
<ProcyonLotor>: Hunt down Heaton's allies
<ProcyonLotor>: Burn down his villages
<ProcyonLotor>: Erase his name from the earth
<Cadbury>: I can do all that, but, alas, it will not bring back my QUAESITOR
<Cadbury>: But it must be done
Cadbury casts Raise Dead - gives Procyon 100,000 cop zombie allies
<ProcyonLotor>: Yes!
<ProcyonLotor>: The power is all mine
ProcyonLotor tickets the living and the dead alike
ProcyonLotor triple tickets Heaton's family
<Cadbury>: Do not stop until you have ticketed the world in vengeance and hatred
ProcyonLotor sets out to do exactly that
*** HeatonSoul is now known as Heaton
<Heaton>: What happened while I was dead?
<Cadbury>: What knave has resurrected this man?
<Cadbury>: Procyon, hurry! He's got me!
Cadbury curls up into a ball
ProcyonLotor tickets the everliving fuck out of Heaton
<Cadbury>: Heaton, who brought you back?
<Heaton>: Valhala
<Cadbury>: Procyon, we must set out to destroy Odin.
<Cadbury>: Once and for all.
<ProcyonLotor>: I have been waiting ages to hear someone say that
Heaton realizes that has been spited
<Cadbury>: Heaton, you have sealed the fate of Valhalla
ChanServ has given voice to ProcyonLotor
<Heaton>: ._.
(Procyon exits)
<Cadbury>: Well
<Cadbury>: It seems like it is you and me now
Cadbury activates lightsaber
<Cadbury>: …buddy
Heaton activates his lightsaber
<Heaton>: Wooow
ProcyonLotor goes all Obi-Wan-Kenobi's ghost
<Cadbury>: You will not escape this time
Heaton pews
Cadbury goes all Qui-Gon on Heaton's ass; gets sliced in half
<Cadbury>: ARGH
<ProcyonLotor>: NO
<ProcyonLotor>: GODDAMN IT
<Heaton>: Nooooooo
<Heaton>: What have i done?!
Cadbury becomes one with the Force and Liam Neeson

Part 2: The Spark Is Still There

<Cadbury>: .seen QUAESITOR
<QUAESITOR>: Cadbury: You need to get your eyes checked.
<Cadbury>: You have your ways, QUAESITOR
Cadbury hugs QUAESITOR
Cadbury engages in casual foreplay with QUAESITOR
<Cadbury>: …
Cadbury touches QUAESITOR
<Cadbury>: Honey?
Cadbury hugs QUAESITOR
<QUAESITOR>: Faster!
<Cadbury>: Yay

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