Cads First Day
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And so The Admin went…

Martin Caduceus, David Gutenberg, and Vlad Stirnikov walked into Gamma-Commander Dr. Kenneth Hockenberry’s office. Dr. Hockenberry was on the phone, “I don’t care! First you send me that…whatever that thing was; and now you send me three newbies! I outa’…” he then realized they were in the room. “Why, hello there cadets…”
Cadets,” Caduceus snickered.
“What was that?”
“Uh, nothing sir,” said Caduceus saluting.
“Anyways, welcome to the Chaos Insurgency, here we use chaos for the sake of a better humanity,” Hockenberry continued, “We are not terrorists.”
“That’s not what the Haos Doctrine says,” muttered Cad.
“Well, smart Alek, you know what I think of the Haos Doctrine?”
“What?” said Caduceus stubbornly.
“I think it is counterproductive to our goal!” Kenneth yelled about two inches from Caduceus’ face, “Now get to your bunks and prepare for tomorrows training.

“What was the deal with him today?” said Martin while throwing his blanket over his bunk.
“You smarted him off,” said Vlad, “In Russia, you would get ten lashings for such behavior.”
“The Russian military doesn’t work like that anymore,” said Martin.
“…By your own mother,” Stirnikov finished.
They then proceeded to bed. Little did they know of the horrors awaiting them tomorrow…
They woke up…in the middle of the wilderness.
“Umm, where the hell are we?” said Caduceus
“We’re in Russia,” Spoke Hockenberry casually, “The helicopter should be here in 2 minutes to take us 20 kilometers north to the nearest outpost.” The helicopter landed in a clearing. Gutenberg, and Stirnikov got on, and Caduceus was pushed off when he tried to get on, “You have to walk,” he tossed Martin a compass and toke off.
“This is bullshit,” said Martin as they disappeared through the trees. He started north.

When he arrived he was greeted by a couple guards, “Hello sir, and welcome to the Churned Incents Company.”
“Cut the crap, I’m a new cadet here, my mentor left me 20 kilos south of here,” said Martin catching his breath.
“Oh, you must be uh…Martin Caduceus, right?”
“Just let me in.” The gates opened and he proceeded inside.
He walked to the helipad, Kenneth and the others were waiting, “Well, I see you made it back,” said Ken with a smile on his face. Martin got on the helicopter silently and the others followed

They returned to their base in West Virginia where they began the training course. It was a terrible mixture of obstacles, mud, barbed wire, rifles, and pig blood. Later they went to their bunks; Stirnikov was wearing a now blood-stained Russian military uniform, Caduceus was covered in mud with bleeding wounds covering him, Gutenberg came in with tribal face-paint on holding a spear, “Zey never did any of zis in Deutschland,” said Gutenberg as he lay down on his bunk.
“That was quite literally the worst day of my life,” said Martin tiredly.
“My training day in Russia was…” said Vlad before getting cut off.
“You know what you Russian prick?” Caduceus interrupted, “I don’t believe a single word you have said since we arrived.”
“You don’t exactly have the brightest personality either…” said Stirnikov.
“What do you mean by that?” replied Caduceus.
“You have an oversized ego, and constantly is smarting off everyone in your path!” said Vlad angrily. A fight broke out between the two. Kenny walked in and shot a .38 revolver through the ceiling which made everyone flinch.
“You see, if a team constantly fights the way you two do, that hole in the ceiling could be a hole in your head!” said Hockenberry right before he left the room.

The next day, they joined up with another training group, 4 young Ukrainian men which we’re named Dimitri, Victor, Chirnov, and Kalashnikov. They marched down a path for 5 kilometers and came to a small pavilion. “Alright, here you will learn to work as a unit, and with other units, Caduceus, you’re the leader of the pack here,” announced Hockenberry.
“This is a joke, right?” said Martin in disbelief.
“This is very serious, you guys will take fire, have to take secondary paths, pretty much a real mission,” explained Kenneth, “So no, this is not a joke, everyone’s lives are now in your hands Martin.”

They continued down the path when they heard gunfire, and a guntruck loaded with a 50 caliber MG appeared behind the bushes up ahead. They jumped into the underbrush, and Caduceus gave the order to open fire. The gunmen faked their deaths, because everyone knows the rifles were loaded with blanks. “Run! The checkpoint is just up ahead!” yelled Caduceus as they approached the checkpoint, Hockenberry was waiting for them.
“So, looks like most of you made it.”
“What do you mean most of us?” said Caduceus.
“Dimitri, where are you!” Caduceus heard one of the Ukrainians yell.
Vlad approached Martin, “Hey, you seen David?”
“Oh my god,” said Caduceus in disbelief.
“Do you want to know where your men are?” Hockenberry motioned everyone towards the edge of the forest. Two men came out in SCP operative uniforms, following them was David and Dimitri with bags over their heads with handcuffs on. “This is what happened to them!” yelled Hockenberry, “They were captured by the enemy, and now you will never see these men again!” David and Dimitri marched back into the woods, they would be given drugs to make them forget everything, and sent back home.

The next day, Martin was summoned to Dr. Hockenberry’s office. He walked in, shut the door behind him, and sat down. “Do you know why I summoned you here?” Hockenberry said. Caduceus remained silent. “Yesterday, you learned the worst truth about war, or even combat in general,” said Kenneth calmly.
“What’s that?” Caduceus said shamefully.
“That you’ll lose people.” Caduceus remained silent still. “I have you set up to join a team starting off at Epsilon-level clearance,” said Kenneth as he handed Martin some papers, “Here are your orders, good day sir.”
The End

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